Why We Dont Pick Up The Phone
by HogwartShinobi
Summary: AU. What the answering machines in Manga City sound like. [I DONT OWN OP!]
1. Sanji

**Sanji's Answering Machine:**

Hello, you've reached Sanji's voice mail. Sorry I couldnt pick up the phone at the moment, Im probably busy cooking, flirting or running away from fangirls. Anyway please leave a message after the--ACK! (Crazy fangirls: Oh me gosh! Sanji-kun! Pleaseleaveamessageafterthebeep! Beep!

**5/26/07 You have 7 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Random fangirl) - HI! Like, I found your number, Sanji-kun! But why'd you change it?? I bet there's some weirdo always calling, huh? Gosh some people just dont know when to stop calling! Anyway call me back and maybe we could talk about what to name our kids!

**-Message 2**

(Zoro) Oi, Shitty-cook! You better have a good reason why you werent at work today! I had to take your shift with Luffy! He's a freaking pest when he's washing dishes, you know that?? Call me back and explain why you werent there, got it? I hate having to cover your pasty ass all the time! And dont give me that 'I got sick' crap because I know you were at that damn club of yours!

**-Message 3**

(Kakashi from Naruto) Hey, Sanji! Next meeting for the 'We're Too Sexy For Our Shirts' club will be next tuesday, same place and time. Call Tamaki at Ouran High School if you'll be late. Ja ne!

**-Message 4**

(Nami) Hey, Sanji-kun! I was just if...If I could borrow your can electric can opener? I dont really want to spend money on buying one so if you could give it to me later, thanks!

**-Message 5**

(Zeff) OI! Why werent you at work today?? You better be tomorrow or Ill have both your hands!

**-Message 6**

(Usopp) He do you think if I get a haircut I could join that club of yours? Maybe I, the great Captain Usopp, could even be elected president instead of the Kakashi guy?

**-Message 7**

(Fangirl screams) OMG! Sanji-kun! Sanji-kun! We just made a life-like statue of you with every detail possible! But we're mssing a few things...Could you tell us were your birthmark is?

* * *

**Just...D-Dont ask **


	2. Mihawk

**Mihawk's Answering Machine:**

Hey, this is Hawkeye Mihawk's machine. I dont know how you got this number, but Im going to track your number down and kill you so I can keep my information confidencial. Oh and leaving a message makes my answering machine automatically put up your number. Thank you. ...Beep O.o!

**5/27/07 You have 4 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Sound of phone slamming reciver) ...Buzz...

**-Message 2**

(Gecko Moria) Shichibukai are throwing a party for Donquixote tomorrow! Bring chips and cookies!

**-Message 3**

(Zoro) The spar location's been changed to the park and Im still gonna kick your ass! And dont do that 'spar my life' shit, cuz I dont need it! Oh and bring your BIG sword for the fight, or are you too sissy??

**-Message 4**

(Woman's voice) Hawkeye Mihawk, this is your mother! You never call me anymore! How's my big boy doing so far?? Is that Henry boy from the 3rd grade still stealing your lunch money? Because if he is Mother Mihawk will show what happens when you hurt my Hawky-poo! And you know you're never going to get any friends with a voice mail like that! Anyway, call me back, honey! Kisses, muwah!


	3. Luffy

**Luffy's Answering Machine:**

Hey--WHOA! This that _my_ voice? Zoro this is awesome! It's repeating everything I say in a high squeaky voice! (Zoro: Baka! You have it on fast-forward!) Oh! Well, then what's it for? (Zoro: FOR LEAVING A CALL BACK MESSAGE!!!) Okay! Im Monkey D. Luffy and Im going to be Principal of the Pirates! So call back the future Principal! ...Beep -.-!

**5/28/07 You have 14 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Zoro) Oi, change that, will you? It sounds stupid!

**-Message 2**

(Chopper) L-Luffy! There's a creepy boy outside my apartment that's blabbering about how he wants to capture me! What should I do! What should I do?!?!

**-Message 3**

(Ash from Pokemon) Hey Luffy, its Ash! I found that grass pokemon of yours! I challenge you to a battle to see who should keep it! Wait, it's trying to get out the backdoor! Go to go!

**-Message 4**

(Ace) Oi, little brother! I dont mean to be rude but there's an orange haired girl that's from your little 'group' trying to ask me out! (Nami: YOUR SO OPPOSITE OF LUFFY! IT'S ATTRACTIVE!) And there's some blonde dude trying to get me to join his 'sexy' club! (Sanji: We have our own clubroom at school! You could be the Mascot, Ace-kun!) ...HELP ME!!!

**-Message 5**

(Whitebeard) Monkey D. Luffy, I presume? Well your brother has not been to work. We at Whitebeard Co. do not toloerate such--Oh nevermind. I have a 'help me' fax. Since he's the vice-president-in-training, Ill let him off the hook. For now.

-**Message 6**

(Inuyasha from Inuyasha) Luffy! Party at that Alchemist guy's house! Main characters only, no sidekicks! Oh and we're counting on you to bring the meat! Save some raw steaks for me, will ya?

**-Message 7**

(Robin) Captain-san, you left your hat at the library. I suggest picking it up at free period?

**-Message 8**

(Kohza) HEY! STAY AWAY FROM VIVI, SHE'S MINE!

**-Message 9**

(Pell) Uhhh...Sorry about that. Kohza got a little crazy when he thought he saw you and Vivi holding hands...I had to explain you two were playing Red-Rover with the 2nd grades as TA's. Oh and congrates on being the PE Teacher Assistent! Shanks doesnt let just anyone assist him. Especially 4th period. Anyway, ignore Kohza.

**-Message 10**

(Kohza) DONT LISTEN TO THAT BASTARD! IM WATCHING YOU!

**-Message 11**

(Gol D. Rodger) As principal of Grand Line High, I grant you permission for that Mugiwara Club you sent in for. Your room will be 112B, between the 'We're Too Sexy For Our Shirts' and the 'Oh yeah? Well We're So Sexy We _Need_ Shirts' clubs. Have a nice day.

**-Message 12**

(Nojiko) TELL YOUR BROTHER TO STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER!

**-Message 13**

(Franky) Psst! Hey Luffy! Think you can get me into that party of yours, huh??

**-Message 14**

(Womanly voice) Hey Luffy-kins! How's my little boy? Say, tell your big brother the rest of the mom's are thinking that all you at the school are having a bit of a rivalary...You wouldnt be fighting behind mommy's back would you? Anway, there's going to be a 'Bring your kids to work day' and since most of you have parents that work at my work, we could sit and talk about it! It's a wonderful idea, neh? Mihawk's mother thought it up! Isnt that sweet? Go to go, Luffy-kins, see you at dinner!

* * *

**Lol I have a fun time writing these XD**


	4. Zoro

**Zoro's Answering Machine:**

**I didnt pick up the phone because it was too far away so, yeah. ...Beep -.-!**

**5/29/07 You have 10 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Nami) Do you try or were you just BORN lazy?!

**-Message 2**

(Mihawk) Alright already! Geeze, Ill go to the park now stop STALKING me! Go study for a test you, damn sophmore! Seniors have to work too!

**-Message 3**

(Luffy) Oi Zoro, you've done this Freshmen stuff too, right? Well then if the word SAW is written above the word COW and the word TOO is written above SAW, then the word TOW is formed diagonally, right?

**-Message 4**

(Yaoi fangirl) COME ON ZORO-KUN! Just think! Sanji hates you, you hate him! You two obviously love each other! Please have hot buttsex on my computer desk while I snap pictures to show all my other friends! (That's NOT me XD)

**-Message 5**

(Ichigo from Bleach) No; I dont know how my 'big-ass' sword can fit into my small sheath. Go ask Inuyasha, he's probably know!

**-Message 6**

(Sanji) IGNORE THAT CRAZY ASS FANGIRL THAT KEEPS CALLING US!

**-Message 7**

(Fangirl) BUTTSEX ;)

**-Message 8**

(Sanji) IGNORE HER!

**-Message 9**

(Girl voice) Good luck at the Kendo chamionships, Zoro-kun. I know you'll do great, just like you promised.

**-Message 10**

(Harry from Harry Potter) Hey, Zoro! Say, just as a question but...Have you contacted the dead lately. Thought I saw my mum and dad during Quidditch pratice...Anyway, good luck at thattournament of yours; I have one of my own!

* * *

** Cyber cookie to the first who guesses the dead chick -.-**


	5. Robin

**Robin's Answering Message.**

Sorry I could not answer the phone. Please leave your name, number and message; Ill be sure to call back as soon as I have the time. Arigatou! ...Beep! (A/N: Awww...She's normal XD)

**6/9/07 You have 4 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Crocodile) You little-I cant believe you switched schools! Was Baroque Prep not good enough for you or something?! Now I have to find a new History teacher. I hope they pay you better; You're never working in this district again!

**_-_Message 2**

(Luffy) SUGI! Thanks for the A, Ms. Robin! Told ya I would study hard for my next exam! Oh and thanks for telling me where my hat was! I thought I lost it forever :O

**-Message 3**

(Igaram) Good evening, Ms. Robin. Staff meeting in the Teachers' Lounge on Tuesday. Dont forget your study plans for next month. We're discussing a possible higher standard for our students' eduaction programs.

**-Message 4**

(Sanji) WAAAH! MS. ROBIN-CHWAN! I baked you a cake in home economics this morning! I hope you like it; Ill drop it off in the TL at lunch time tomorrow, ne?

* * *

**Hello guys! If you're wondering why Robin doesnt really have alot of messages, its because she actually picks up her phone XD **


	6. Authors Note!

HogwartShinobi here!

Some people asked me if I'd ever make this into a read fic. I kind of thought about it and Sanji and Luffy would look hot in school uniforms, huh ;) And I know what you boys are thinking...Yes, Nami would be in one too XD lol but if I made a fic, Robin but obviously be a teacher. Soooo...Review or PM and tell me what ya think!


	7. 4Kids

**4Kids' Answering Machine:**

WELL HOWDY DOO?! This here is 4Kids where we butcher-DUB awesome animes for more money thenwe should be profitted! Sorry our workers couldnt pick up the phones. There's a Blues Eyes White Dragon and a Black-Sorry, I mean 'Dark' Magician loose in sector Y. We promise to get to you once the tranqulizers get ready! In the mean time, listen to this cheesy sound cassette of call-waiting music! Thanks you!

(Music) He's name's Zoro, he's just like a samurai and a L-A-D-Y, Nami's not shy- It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-duel! Duuuuuun nuuuu nu! Dun dun na nu!- We are the Winx, we are the Winx- Hanging out with my crew in the schoolyard- (needle on record) SWEET JESUS! MY HEARS! THEIR BLEEDING! ...Beep T.T

**6/15/07 You 7 have new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Sanji) What the FUCK?! IM GOING TO KICK ALL YOUR ASSES TILL YOU CANT FUCKING SIT YOU DAMN BASTARDS! GIVE ME MY ELEGANT FRENCH VOICE BACK!

**-Message 2**

(Seto Kaiba of Yugioh) Im going to give you two hours to give me my Blues Eyes White Dragon back. I dont care if those rules arent fair. Screw the rules; I have money!

**-Message 3**

(Sasuke of Naruto) YOU MAY HAVE GOTTEN EVERYONE ELSE! BUT YOUR 4KIDS SHINOBI WILL NEVER GET US! OH MY GOD! NARUTO! (Naruto S-Sasuke! Save everyone else! I'll hold them off, believe i-YOU BET'CHA!) DEAR LORD THEY'VE EVEN GOT OROCHIMARU AND ITACHI! (Sakura's blood curdling scream) S-STAY BACK! ILL NEVER BECOME ONE OF YOU! (Ninja in background: Jooooin ussss!) A-AHHHHHHHH! ...Buzz...O.o

**-Message 4**

(Ash from Pokemon) GOD DAMMIT MY NAME IS SATOSHI! GET IT RIGHT!

**-Message 5**

(Luffy) What the hell is 'Gum gum rocket'?! My attacks are Gomu gomu no Mi! You've hurt my crew, my family, my _show_! Unforgivable! And it's Devil fruit! Are you afraid to say it or something?!

**-Message 6**

(Zoro) IT'S ZORO WITH AN 'R'! If I wasnt rivals with Mihawk we would team up and slaughter you all! Watch out, we're ALL watching you!

**-Message 7**

(Yami of Yugioh) Was it really necassary to change almost everyone in this city's name?! My Hikari is weeping at his cracking voice; Jounochi-kun's eye wont stop twitch from his Brooklyn accent and Anzu is uncontrolabbly crying because now their mixing her new name prounciation with a type of drink e.i. TEA. HER NAME HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE SPELLING OF A LEAFY BEVERAGE! What you have done to my loved ones is unforgivable! I challenge you to a game! If you lose, you get to go to the Japanese version of the 'Shadow Realm'!

* * *

**you might not get some stuff so let me explain lol**

**The english dub of Naruto is produced by FUNdamtion and Viz Media (or somethin') and they translated Naruto uzuamaki's catch phrase, dattebayo!, and turned it into 'Believe it!'. But my friends always thought, 'Hey it could be worse! He could say something cheesy like 'YOU BET'CHA' or something'. When you think about it, that is pretty bad XD**

**When Seto said screw the rules; I have money...Yes. I watch Yugioh abridged.**

**Ashes real name is Satoshi, god dammit -.-;**

**Luffy's...His can explain himself O.o So can Zoro's**

**Joey Wheeler - Katsuya Jounouchi**

**Tea Gardener - Anzu Mazaki**

**Tristan Taylor - Hiroto Honda**

**Japanese Shadow Realm basically translated to Hell -.-**

**So yeah...Yugioh fan too**


	8. Nami

**Nami's Answering Machine:**

Hey, Nami here. Sorry I couldnt answer. Probably too busy to answer you anyway. So, leave a message and Ill try to call back. Dont count on it, though; Phone calls cost a fortune!

**7/19/07 You have 25 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Sanji) NAMI-SWAAAAAN!!! You didnt call me back yet! Did you get my messages?! I thought you missed the first 3 calls so I decided to do it 6 more times! I made you a cake in Home Ec, I hope you like it at lunch tomorrow!

**-Message 2**

(Luffy) Oi, Nami! Nami told me to call you and ask if you were there. Guess not, bye!

**-Message 3**

(Nojiko) Oh come on! Im your sister god's sake! You cant even pick up the damn phone?! You're so troublesome.

**-Message 4**

(Sanji) NAMI-SWAN! NAMI-SWAN! I was think of why you didnt pick up and I realized- What if you got kidnapped?! Who ever has done this to you is unforgivable!

**-Message 5**

(Sanji) Nami-swaaaan! Why dont you pick up??

**-Message 6**

(Sanji) It's your Sanji-kun! Do you think me calling you is annoying??

**-Message 7**

(Answering Machine) You message machine is full with 25 messages. If you wish to delete your messages, please do so now.

**-Message 8**

(Answering Machine) The number 'Sanji' is requested to be deleted from your Answering Machine's list. This caller will not be able to leave messages on your box. Are you sure you wish to delete?

**-Message 9**

(Answering Machine) 'Sanji' has been successfully deleted from your message list!


	9. Franky

**Franky's Answering Machine:**

YOSHE! This is Franky and I am SUPA FRESSSHH today! Leave a message and I will call back as soon as I go to the store for some more COLA! ...Beep O-o

**7/19/07 You have 8 new messages!**

**-Message 1**

(Iceburg) Is there something in that Cola you're not telling me about?

**-Message 2**

(Luffy) Thanks for building that float for us! It's an awesome pirate ship AHA! (OMG SPOLIERS :O)

**-Message 3**

(Mozu and Kiwi) ANIKI ANIKI! You left your other thong at out house!

**-Message 4**

(Paulie) I just heard Mozu and Kiwi shout something from their dorm that I did NOT want to heard. Wanna explain?

**-Message 5**

(Zoro) ...So does that Cola REALLY help?

**-Message 6**

(Zoro) Im serious.

**-Message 7**

(Zoro) Because...It's a BEVERAGE...

**-Message 8**

(Unknown voice who happens to be Usopp) Fraaaaanky! You've been called by-hehe-by the Undead Phone Ghost-Luffy! Shut up! -And you will loose all your cola if- Let me try! No, Luffy! Look what've you've done! Now it's gonna be on his answering m- Buzzzzz...


End file.
